Confronting Your Inner Critic with Kindness
One thing I have learned, with great frustration, is that my inner critic will always be there for me. Love you queen. The more I try to resist her or block her out, the stronger she becomes. I applaud my inner critic for her truthfulness and relentlessness, she really should be paid more.
So why am I so fond of her? The short answer is I’m not and will most likely never be okay with her 24/7. But, one thing I have given her is space. By giving your inner critic space to exist you validate them. Your inner critic is simply trying to provide you with insight and in a very f*cked-up way wants to protect you. Sometimes, that protection can be damaging; it can manifest itself in forms of self-sabotage and self-doubt.
So, I offer you a few journal prompts here so you can open yourself up to receive any information your inner critic may have to offer you. Some are inspired by visualization techniques I’ve practiced in therapy and meditation. I encourage you to physically write these out, even though typing may be more convenient. When you are ready, find a quiet space for reflection and get to work!
PROMPT 1: If your critic had a shape, color, and texture what would it be? Be as specific as possible. Resist the urge to attach your critic to a face or physical being. Mine is a little beat-up, red wooden box. Keep in mind that your inner critic cannot be bigger than your physical body. My box is about the size of a deck of cards. Your critic does not have to look like this forever, they can always change color or shape, just choose how they look to you right here, right now.
PROMPT 2: Now that you have determined what your inner critic might look like, I’d like you to reflect on something that your critic has said to you recently. If nothing comes up, you can consider themes that your inner critic brings up regularly. Remember that nothing is required, if this feels too deep or triggering for you, you’ve done a tremendous amount of work by outlining the shape and nature of your critic. For me, my inner critic tells me things like “I am not good enough” or “I am acting way too awkward and people think I’m weird”.
PROMPT 3: Where is the truth in these criticisms? How is your critic trying to keep you safe? The answers to these questions are not always easy to find. This theme of “I am not good enough” actually means, “I know I am capable, and that kinda scares me, I want to quit before I succeed”. My other critique: “I am acting too awkward and people think I’m weird” is probably just true, I don’t know. In the end, your little critic is just trying to look out for you, they want the best for you.
PROMPT 4: My final pieces of advice. You are now hopefully pretty familiar with your inner critic and you may even like them a little bit more. Now you need to make your critic feel heard. When my red wooden box starts to come after me these are some words I offer her in the moment (you can always create your own):
I am capable. Thank you for protecting me.
I am moving forward.
As you begin to offer your inner critic more space you can check in with them, without letting their criticisms consume you. You become more tuned in to the purpose they are serving and find the root of their message. Ultimately, you face your inner critic with kindness rather than resistance.
