The Burden Of Being An Old Soul

When I was in Kindergarten I asked to go to the restroom, and on my way back I stopped at the water fountain. The water fountain had a little cement stair attached for us younger kids. I decided that I wasn’t in a rush to get back to my class so I took a seat on the little stepping stool and looked around. I wanted a moment to just sit but the office ladies spotted me. I watched them pick up the phone and shortly after my teacher popped her head out and called me back inside.

As an adult, I often feel stuck in the same space of wanting to sit and wait only to be called back inside by something or someone.

As a young person in wellness spaces, many people applaud me for being self-aware and living life intentionally both values that people have told me they would have liked to embrace at a younger chronological age. How great it is that I’m making a head start in this life.

The struggle of being an old soul, however is knowing your path and fighting the urge to let societal expectations sway you from getting where you’re meant to be.

In an acting exercise in my junior year of college, we were to pick a one-sentence phrase from a list and improv off of it. I chose the phrase “I feel like people don’t really understand me”. I talked about what I’m sharing here, and how strange it is to feel a certain security of the future. Even if I couldn’t tell you every detail, I’ve always been sure of my purpose.

Where I get caught up is in the knowing, it’s almost as if the knowing provides a pressure that I’m constantly battling. How do you participate in a world that doesn’t always follow the rules of your soul?

People want to know where I’m headed, how I’m going to get there, and what I’ll do if my unconventional ways can’t support me in the end, all details that I don’t need to know. That’s the burden of the old soul, being old enough to answer young questions. In my darkest moments, the persistent questions start to make me question my knowing. So what do I do? I go back to the quiet moment spent on that concrete step. I remember that people might try to call me back inside, but I can always take a moment to step out for a drink of water or a trip to the restroom.

So what do you think? Are you an old soul, or a young one looking for answers…